People Say Stupid Things

I recently had an interesting conversation with a certain phone company when shopping for internet. I find it a bit ironic that a certain song comes to mind every time I think about it. Here is more or less how the conversation went. I don’t remember the name of the representative that answered the phone I will call her “I am not really listening to you, just reading my lines” for the sake of this dialogue or perhaps IANRLTYJRML for short.

IANRLTYJRML: thank you for calling people say stupid things phone company where we offer blah, blah, blah, would you like to sign up for blah, blah, blah I will need all the personal information you have ever had.

Me: Actually I am shopping for internet, do you offer internet service?

IANRLTYJRML: No but we do offer blah, blah, blah

Me: No thank you I am only interested in internet, if you do not have it I don’t need anything else thank you.

IANRLTYJRML: But we do have great phone service blah, blah, blah do you make long distant calls?

Me: yes I make long distant calls on my cell phone

IANRLTYJRML: We can offer a great deal on long distant calls, how much to you pay?

Me: I am only interested in internet today thank you.

IANRLTYJRML: Yes I understand that but we offer blah, blah, blah, how much do you pay for your long distance?

Me: I have a cell phone, long distance is part of the plan.

IANRLTYJRML: That is nice, but how much do you pay

(this is the part where I am still trying to be polite and I just answer the question)

IANRLTYJRML: I see, well we offer blah, blah, blah on long distance

Me: I am only interested in internet, if you do not have it I don’t need anything else thank you.

IANRLTYJRML: Mam, what features do you like about the plan you are on now?

Me: I like that I can take it with me and drive around.

IANRLTYJRML: I see that is nice, we offer blah, blah, blah

Me: I am not interested thank you

IANRLTYJRML: If you sign up right now we will give you such and such

Me: I am not interested thank you

IANRLTYJRML: Well in addition to such and such I will offer such and such

Me: Really I am only interested in internet, thank you, good-bye (click)

I use to be more polite but honestly after she didn’t get that I wanted internet and that my current phone offers a little more mobility than theirs I had to do something. It all gives new meaning to a certain phrase a certain phone company uses “use your brain.”